Thursday, November 19, 2009

An Open Letter To Fan Girls...

Dear Fan Girls,

I already passed this advice on to some of you but this is a very important topic, so I feel the need to also say it here.

Ladies, I want to impart some wisdom to you that I learned long ago. Just because the the object of your desire has a girlfriend or gets caught holding a girl's hand (that is not attached to you) at an airport. Are NOT reasons to freak out and say your life is over!!

The chances that he will pick you out of the crowd Bruce Springsteen style (see video below because I know that most of you are 12 and don't know what I'm referring to here) are pretty much the same whether or not he's single. And just so you know, you have a better chance of winning the lottery then being the next Grace Kelly (Now, there's a role model! Ladies google her now!).
(I tried putting the video up here but Youtube blows and the embedding on all of them was disabled, so go watch it and come right back here and read the rest of my letter!!!)

So, please untwist your panties and stop sending the poor girlfriends death threats. Just remember you still have the same shot at him as before. Oh speaking of death threats, throwing yourself at the object of your desire causing him and/or you to be thrown into on coming traffic, shrieking in his face when you meet him are NOT the ways to make him whisk you away to Jersey and marry your ass! No, that's a one way ticket to becoming BFF's with his security. So, please for everyone's sake and sanity (and ears) please stop acting like fools! Act like the well mannered ladies I know you can be.

Before I leave you I want to tell you about a young lady like yourselves. She was ooobbbesssed with Billy Joe from Green Day (Don't judge!) and one day she heard that he was getting married. And let me tell you her panties where most def in a big old twist over this news. She was so upset and HATED this unworthy ugly hoe who was stealing her man! That is until an older and wiser friend told her the same advice I just gave to you. Who was like crazy young lady you ask...yeap, it was me.

So, there's hope ladies you too can become enlightened and rise above being a fan girl! And one day when you meet an silly young lady who reminds you of yourself you can pass this advice along to her.

With Love,

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