Hello Dolls

Hey,
First of all sorry about the lack of updating but I have an VERY VERY valid reason. Secondly, the rest of this post is just going to be me venting about my reason I've been MIA so if your not up for reading that then please be on your way = ) ......

Ok so for like the past 3-4 months I've been getting really sick after I eat. At first I didn't think much of it cause certain greasy foods has always made me sick ( it's my second fam curse -lol-) so I figured it was just that. But then I started getting sick after eating a salad...ok now I'm pretty sure lettuce and cheese shouldn't make a person feel like they want to die, and then I started waking up sick. One night I even has to leave a party because I felt sick after eating mashed potatoes at Applebees!!!! That's what made me realize that it wasn't just a normal GI problem and it was time to go to the doctor. So last week I went to the doctor's and had was told it was most likely my gallbladder. So I went and had an ultra sound, which came back showing nothing was wrong. Then my doctor (who I hate and only trust as far as I can throw) still thinking it was my gallbladder had me go in and get a nuclear imaging test. For those of you who don't know what this is it's where they inject you with radioactive fluid then make you lay on a table while they take pics of you organs. Needless to say I had more then a few reservations about getting this done. One-I have terrible veins and HATE getting IV's in because it's also an ordeal trying to get the damn thing it. This time was no exception I have to bruises to prove it! The other problem I had with this thing was I absolutely HATE putting shit into my body that isn't naturally supposed to be there it just freaks me out. But I am sick and desperate to get better so I went ahead and had the test done thinking it would it be and I'd finally have an answer. Well after the results came back I was told my gallbladder was perfectly healthy.....So now I had to go get blood work done (which is where I was this morning) and hopefully after that we would know whats going on.

So that's where I am now....I'm just soooooo tried of being sick. The only way I've been getting through these past 3-4 months reasonably well is by praying to God that he would come and help me make it. Now I'm not one of those uber christian I actually think God gets just as annoyed with them as we do. (every time I see one I imagine God face palming -lol-). But he gets all the credit for me being able to function right now. With out his help I'd honestly never being able to get out of bed. That's how sick I am....I'm twenty fucking three years old I'm glad I have his help but I shouldn't have to get on my knees every morning and ask God to help me through the day! I feel like I'm 63. I have to start my internship on Monday and I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it......I just want to wake up tomorrow and be better........

I hate not wanting to go out, or being around anyone. I hate feeling tired. I hate being in pain. I hate having to go to the doctor more then once a week only to hear they can't find out what's wrong. I just hate this sitch all together. Oh and it only gets better...if everything on the blood test comes back fine my only other option for what's wrong is colon caner. YAY ME! Yeah.....I'm just praying for something on the blood test to come back weird cause I can deal with anything that's not cancer (a form of cancer my G Grandma and Grandpa died of )

Alright I'm done with the pity party.
♥ B